Okay, I meant to have a more upbeat title, but I honestly couldn’t think of one. O.O
2018 was a wicked rough year for me, and I wanted to share some of what I’ve been going through. Some of you know that I have Schizoaffective Disorder, which is this oh so joyful combination Schizophrenia and bipolar disorder. I was diagnosed in 2001, but by 2006 (year I published my first novel!) it was pretty well controlled. Last year, though, my brain was like “nah.”
Medication was no longer effective. Went through a whole lot of other meds trying to find one that worked, but I’m medication resistant so that’s been a challenge.
Back in June I had a full-on psychotic break. Shortly thereafter I attempted to kill myself 1 and a half times. I say “half” because the second time I called my local crisis center and was talked down by a very nice lady whose name I cannot remember. It was my first time ever calling a crisis hotline, and if you’re depressed or suicidal or in the middle of a psychotic break or whatever, call yours. If you don’t know yours, call the national hotline at 1-800-273-8255. They are open 24 hours a day. Please please call if you’re in trouble. There’s a good chance I wouldn’t be here if not for the nice lady whose name I can’t remember, and honestly we all deserve a chance to be here.
Also in June, I woke up and found out I couldn’t walk. Two days after that, my mom almost died after a routine colonoscopy (perforated colon). Now I’m walking with a cane, which is good, and my mother is fine, which is better.
But you can see how June was a royal suckfest for me. I’m still recovering.
This month I have to see a neurologist and start tests to see if I have multiple sclerosis. I also have to get screened for 2 separate forms of cancer. I’m choosing not to worry until there’s something to worry about.
Now I seem to be on some psych meds that are helping me want to do things again. Like {gasp} write! Currently the plan is to upload a few of my orphaned stories, update “The Jascian’s Toy,” and work on “True: William.”
Here’s where I need your help. Since all but one of my publishers closed, I am now an actual starving artist. I’m scraping by okay, but I can’t renew my website hosting fees. And I love that website. I learned html over the course of a weekend and created every single page myself. I don’t want to let it go.
So if you could help by donating through my Ko-fi page, I would sorely appreciate it. I’ve posted chapter 1 of a rough draft of “True: William” as a thank you if you do happen to stop by. Ko-fi has rules about linking to and from pages containing adult content, and I’m not sure if this blog would count, but it is connected to the main website, so maybe? But the link is easy enough. www dot Ko-fi dot com/rowanmcbride.
2019 has just started. As of now I’ve updated this blog for the first time in FAR too long, and I’ve posted something new to read. That alone pretty much makes it an improvement over the whole of 2018, and I genuinely feel like I’m just getting started.
How’s that for upbeat? 😉
