Rowan's Ramblings

End-of-the-year tradition time! One of mine is to go through the search phrases that resulted in a hit on my site over the past year. The most common phrase was “Rowan McBride,” although this time around there were a slew of creative misspellings of my name, which has me siked because it means that people who aren’t all that familiar with me are looking for me, and in theory that’s a good thing career-wise. XD

Also, “Author Rowan” will get you to my site without any trouble. Who knew?

There were phrase and story title combinations that help me from a stats and marketing point of view, but as always my favorites are the ones that make me laugh or tilt my head in confusion. Listing them in no particular order below in the hopes that they’ll make you do the same.

• dalek haiku
  Yeah baby!
• watching him orgasm
  Who? Was he hot? Did he know??
• rat pack cardboard cutouts
  I want an invite to that party.
• bhargava s 33 theorem asserts
  You know what google says the rest of that sentence is?

  …that an integral quadratic form represents all odd numbers if it represents 1, 3, 5, 7, 11, 15 and 33. – T. D. Noe (noe(AT)sspectra.com), Mar 30 2006

  Know what it means? Me either, but since Seth and Nick are the math geeks on my site, I’m choosing to blame them even though neither of them use this particular theorem in their stories.

  Look at that. I actually searched a search phrase this year. Title of blog segment validated.

• he rubbed his hand up my thigh
  Hey, hey now. Maybe you should slow down there…
• he slipped his hand into my pants and stroked my stiffening cock
  I didn’t. I swear.
• pushed myself forward as if i felt a slow big fingers caressing my hairy crack
  O.O
• what s wrong? isn t that what you wanted
  About here is when I began to wonder if I was being *deliberately* molested via search engine.
• how to play three blind mice
  I can actually help you with this if you’re looking to play it on piano, guitar, recorder, or xylophone. Weirdly enough I don’t know all the words, so I can’t sing it. Not that you’d want me to.
• his ass cock whimpered or load or deep or again or another or cum his pucker -she -her
  This searcher either doesn’t know what the hell they want or knows EXACTLY what they want and is a Boolean genius.
• i got skin grown over my shoulder
  I’m no expert, but I think that’s supposed to be there.
• site http //www.rowanmcbride.com/superhero
  This page doesn’t exist, but it totally should.
• you and the little mermaid can go
  That sounds like the beginning of the best cursing out ever.
• plunder rowan mcbride
  Pass. That’s pirate pillow talk, and I’m all about the ninjas.
• i buried my head in his chest and he wrapped his arms around me he laughed into my hair and i felt his warm breath on my face
  I don’t have a smartass comment for this one. I’m just feeling sentimental at the end of the year and liked the imagery.

And my favorite search phrase of 2010 is:

• jascia sex tube
  I don’t know what the hell it is, but I feel like the story needs one. Bad.

That’s it. For me 2010 was about finding my muse again. It took a while, but I feel like there’ll be some good stuff in 2011.

I hope there’s good stuff in 2011 for you too. 😉

Happy New Year!

— Rowan

This is the third year I’ve listed my favorite search phrases to hit http://www.rowanmcbride.com/. There were lots of searches for “Rowan McBride.” There were a lot of single word searches like “january” and “book” and (I kid you not) “is” that had me wondering how many pages the surfer had to go through just to get to me, and whether they were happy when they got there. For the first time I saw phrases like “Rowan McBride torrent” pop up which was deeply depressing for me.

But, as with the previous years, there were some that were hella funny. Here are a few of my faves, in no particular order:

• forbidden fruit rowan mcbride
  Made the list because it tied so well into my previous blog posts.
• blue curacao sickeningly sweet
  Avery would definitely agree.
• goodhand abrasive
  Nooo. Good hands are NOT abrasive. I’m not opposed, however, to good hands being a little rough now and then. 😉
• rowan flow i’ve never seen muscle growth
  This was an interesting one because it felt like a note direct to me, and that I was supposed to decipher it. So far all I’ve got is Flow is currently being reworked for possible publication, and that if you’ve never seen muscle growth you’ve certainly come to the right place for it if you’ve hit my site. 🙂
• polite please thank you into his ass
  That…is most likely the best way to go about it.
• why do i like muscle growth stories
  You would not believe how often I’m asked that very question.
• on the one hand dolphins are good
  What’s on the other hand? O.O
• my tongue played with his
  His what? Tease. I want to know! Unless it’s the previous person’s dolphin.

And my favorite search term to hit my site in 2009:

• toaster said i want you inside of me
  I think it has something to do with the sandwich place commercial that was out a while back, but I don’t care. I can’t figure out how it resulted in a hit on my site and it cracked me up bad.

That’s this year’s list. Wow, 2009 has been a year of incredible ups and downs, hasn’t it? I wish everyone peace, joy, and love in 2010 (I’m having a bit of a hippie moment here).

Have a Happy New Year!

— Rowan