Archive for the ‘Random’ Category

Searchin’ the Search Phrases: 2010

Friday, December 31st, 2010

End-of-the-year tradition time! One of mine is to go through the search phrases that resulted in a hit on my site over the past year. The most common phrase was “Rowan McBride,” although this time around there were a slew of creative misspellings of my name, which has me siked because it means that people who aren’t all that familiar with me are looking for me, and in theory that’s a good thing career-wise. XD

Also, “Author Rowan” will get you to my site without any trouble. Who knew?

There were phrase and story title combinations that help me from a stats and marketing point of view, but as always my favorites are the ones that make me laugh or tilt my head in confusion. Listing them in no particular order below in the hopes that they’ll make you do the same.

  • dalek haiku
    Yeah baby!
  • watching him orgasm
    Who? Was he hot? Did he know??
  • rat pack cardboard cutouts
    I want an invite to that party.
  • bhargava s 33 theorem asserts
    You know what google says the rest of that sentence is?

    …that an integral quadratic form represents all odd numbers if it represents 1, 3, 5, 7, 11, 15 and 33. – T. D. Noe (noe(AT), Mar 30 2006

    Know what it means? Me either, but since Seth and Nick are the math geeks on my site, I’m choosing to blame them even though neither of them use this particular theorem in their stories.

    Look at that. I actually searched a search phrase this year. Title of blog segment validated.

  • he rubbed his hand up my thigh
    Hey, hey now. Maybe you should slow down there…
  • he slipped his hand into my pants and stroked my stiffening cock
    I didn’t. I swear.
  • pushed myself forward as if i felt a slow big fingers caressing my hairy crack
  • what s wrong? isn t that what you wanted
    About here is when I began to wonder if I was being *deliberately* molested via search engine.
  • how to play three blind mice
    I can actually help you with this if you’re looking to play it on piano, guitar, recorder, or xylophone. Weirdly enough I don’t know all the words, so I can’t sing it. Not that you’d want me to.
  • his ass cock whimpered or load or deep or again or another or cum his pucker -she -her
    This searcher either doesn’t know what the hell they want or knows EXACTLY what they want and is a Boolean genius.
  • i got skin grown over my shoulder
    I’m no expert, but I think that’s supposed to be there.
  • site http //
    This page doesn’t exist, but it totally should.
  • you and the little mermaid can go
    That sounds like the beginning of the best cursing out ever.
  • plunder rowan mcbride
    Pass. That’s pirate pillow talk, and I’m all about the ninjas.
  • i buried my head in his chest and he wrapped his arms around me he laughed into my hair and i felt his warm breath on my face
    I don’t have a smartass comment for this one. I’m just feeling sentimental at the end of the year and liked the imagery.

And my favorite search phrase of 2010 is:

  • jascia sex tube
    I don’t know what the hell it is, but I feel like the story needs one. Bad.

That’s it. For me 2010 was about finding my muse again. It took a while, but I feel like there’ll be some good stuff in 2011.

I hope there’s good stuff in 2011 for you too. 😉

Happy New Year!

— Rowan

Check out what happens…

Sunday, December 19th, 2010

… when you Google muscle theft:

Yeah, baby! This blog takes the top two spots in the results. How cool is that?

No idea how long it’ll last. I only found out because a friend happened to be searching for muscle theft stories, but I’m glad he dropped me a line to let me know in time to screencap it. 😀

Incidentally, the fifth result on that list is a portal to the O’Zone, and O’s site is a good one for growth, theft, and a long list of other interesting genres. It’s also how I ended up on The Evolution Forum, which is the first place I ever read muscle theft fiction I liked. So without O, I probably wouldn’t have any theft stories.

Life’s quite the tapestry sometimes.

Or maybe my brain’s short circuiting because I’ve been up for two days.

Closing out this rambling now.


Heh. Limericks.

Tuesday, August 10th, 2010

Haven’t been online much because the fam has descended. I’m talking parents, grandparents, cousins (and their families), aunties, uncles, brothers, nephews, nieces. If they don’t drink, they shoot, if they don’t shoot, they cook, if they don’t cook, they dance, and if they don’t dance, they, uh, write, I guess. We all, without exception, play dominoes. This is the state of my life at the moment.

I totally missed the start of the Goodreads M/M Romance Group 1-year Anniversary Celebration. I would have missed the whole thing if I hadn’t received an email letting me know it was time for me to mail out a prize I’d donated. But thanks to that email I got to drop in on some of the fun. I even got to play in a limerick contest yesterday and it floored the hell out of me to find out via another somewhat random email that the little sucker made first place. I chose Lynn Lorenz‘s “Pinky Swear” as my prize, so assuming no one snapped it up before me and assuming I picked from the correct prize list, I’m looking forward to a good read.

The celebration’s still going on. Drop in and have some fun. Also, if you have a minute, pray for me.

Posting the limerick below. The prompt was “Pain.”

There once was a heart in my chest
Until you ripped it right out of my breast
Now there’s no dawn
As the pain writhes on
You stole my love *and* my death

Nine Seconds of Superman

Friday, May 28th, 2010

Hands are awesome…

Monday, February 15th, 2010

… and sometimes ridiculously cute:

Apples and Vampires

Monday, January 25th, 2010

Good to know that I’m not the only one out there who thinks apples and vampires are a good combination:

SS for Elaine by ~Chancake on deviantART

Talk to the moose!

Thursday, January 7th, 2010

I am entirely too fond of this vid:

Searching the Search Phrases ’09

Thursday, December 31st, 2009

This is the third year I’ve listed my favorite search phrases to hit There were lots of searches for “Rowan McBride.” There were a lot of single word searches like “january” and “book” and (I kid you not) “is” that had me wondering how many pages the surfer had to go through just to get to me, and whether they were happy when they got there. For the first time I saw phrases like “Rowan McBride torrent” pop up which was deeply depressing for me.

But, as with the previous years, there were some that were hella funny. Here are a few of my faves, in no particular order:

  • forbidden fruit rowan mcbride
    Made the list because it tied so well into my previous blog posts.
  • blue curacao sickeningly sweet
    Avery would definitely agree.
  • goodhand abrasive
    Nooo. Good hands are NOT abrasive. I’m not opposed, however, to good hands being a little rough now and then. 😉
  • rowan flow i’ve never seen muscle growth
    This was an interesting one because it felt like a note direct to me, and that I was supposed to decipher it. So far all I’ve got is Flow is currently being reworked for possible publication, and that if you’ve never seen muscle growth you’ve certainly come to the right place for it if you’ve hit my site. 🙂
  • polite please thank you into his ass
    That…is most likely the best way to go about it.
  • why do i like muscle growth stories
    You would not believe how often I’m asked that very question.
  • on the one hand dolphins are good
    What’s on the other hand? O.O
  • my tongue played with his
    His what? Tease. I want to know! Unless it’s the previous person’s dolphin.

And my favorite search term to hit my site in 2009:

  • toaster said i want you inside of me
    I think it has something to do with the sandwich place commercial that was out a while back, but I don’t care. I can’t figure out how it resulted in a hit on my site and it cracked me up bad.

That’s this year’s list. Wow, 2009 has been a year of incredible ups and downs, hasn’t it? I wish everyone peace, joy, and love in 2010 (I’m having a bit of a hippie moment here).

Have a Happy New Year!

— Rowan

Apple update!

Sunday, December 27th, 2009

Regarding the candied apple I talked about in my previous post— it did have caramel and even an apple inside. A green apple, even. Very tart. All and all a good experience that probably took the same number of years off my life as that deviled egg I experimented with a while back.



Monday, December 21st, 2009

I bought this on impulse the other day:

apple from hell image

As you can see, this thing is so horrible that the retailers had no choice but to tie it with what I assume to be a spiritual ribbon before sealing it inside a blessed cylinder. My camera kindly recorded the date I bought it right onto the photo. I’ve not yet worked up the courage to break the seal.

It’s got a chocolate shell studded with pecans. There might be caramel involved somewhere, but I’m not sure. The package would have me believe there’s an apple in there as well.

I have no idea how one goes about consuming such a thing. Apparently it serves 8-10 people, so I’m contemplating having some sort of candy apple party at my place. It would be good to have some friends in on this because (1) almost everything is better with friends and (2)… well…

I don’t really like apples.

It always jars me to admit that because from day to day I walk around thinking I like apples, and this delusion inevitably leads me to making purchases like the one above.

But I’m not that big a fan. Can’t stand apple juice. Not keen on apple pie unless it’s a small slice and it’s mostly crust. I make a little “yuck face” every time someone mentions apple sauce. Hard apple cider I can do if the occasion’s right. That’s about it.

Even plain, healthy apples give me trouble. I don’t like red apples and I don’t like sweet apples. If I’m going to eat an apple it’s got to be green and tart and sliced into wedges.

Apple issues. That’s what I’ve got.

Yet I adore the imagery, so much. It’s not even the “forbidden fruit” aspect that hooks me (although I DO like it and I’ve used it in that context). The fruit from the tree of knowledge that Adam & Eve took a bite out of was never actually called an apple. I like that if you cut an apple in half you get five seeds and those five seeds can stand for anything from the elements (fire, water, earth, air, soul) to the body of a person (head, hands, feet) to a simple five pointed star. I love that in DeathNote the shinigami actually find them addictive, and that Ryuk in particular calls them “jooshy.”

Even that great sound an apple makes when someone bites into it. There’s something savage about that sound. I especially like it when a person buffs the apple on their shirt and then tears a chunk out of it–lure the prey in with a false sense of comfort and go in for the kill.

Apple torture. Just further highlights the issues I mentioned above.

And while I won’t eat a red apple, my characters sure as hell will, because to me red feels more seductive, more lush. If vampires didn’t drink blood, they’d probably eat red apples instead.*

Apple pie does a similar thing to me. I don’t like to eat it, but thinking about it elicits images of hearth and home. Of cold winter nights and warm fires.

Most of my stories make an apple reference in them somewhere. I think Paul’s Dream and Want Me are the only ones that don’t, although someone recently mentioned they think I’m wrong on that. If you know for sure there’s an apple reference in either of those books, be the first to paste the quote on this thread in the comments and I’ll send you an 8×10 glossy of that book cover. 🙂

So there you have it. My first post about apples. I should file it with the post I did a while back about shoes. Sometimes I’m really, really glad that “ramblings” is right there in the title of this blog to warn people of what lies ahead.

I’ll let you know if the giant piece of candied whatever above changes my mind about apples. 🙂

*Note: I hope I didn’t turn anyone off of red apples with the vampire analogy. I do not believe that red apples taste in any way like blood.**

**Note#2: But you gotta admit, vampire fangs are probably pretty handy when tearing into an apple. 😀