Archive for the ‘search phrases’ Category

Searchin’ the Search Phrases: 2011

Saturday, December 31st, 2011

Every year, I go through the search phrases that resulted in a hit on my site and I pick a few of the odd/funny/kickass ones to post here. This year I made it into a contest, so if you entered be sure to scroll to the bottom to see if you won. 😉

Lots of searches for my name this year, which is a good thing. It was often misspelled, which is also a good thing for reasons I explained in the 2010 post. One was spelled so wrong (ryouen mvbraid) that I’m fully convinced that person was looking for someone else entirely. Lol.

The site got six hits with “homepage” which baffles me. How many pages do you have to scroll through to get to my place with that single word? Not five, I know that for sure. O.O

Reading the year’s list was interesting. A lot of searches for particular stories, and the interest was spread fairly even among them, which makes me glad. I figure it means I’m doing something right.

Anyway, without further ado, in no particular order, listed below are some of my favorite search phrases from 2011:

  • atari muscles growth
    Whatever this game is, I want it. Bad.
  • bishie vs muscle
    It seems like it’d be no contest, but don’t underestimate the power of sparkles.
  • davey s destiny finished?
    *headdesk* Working on it.
  • clean muscle growth fiction
    Pfft. Who wants that? {ducks from Davey’s Destiny fans}
  • read flow by rowan mcbride
    I absolutely agree with this. Hopefully it’ll be available again once I rewrite it and send it to my publisher…
  • always wait is best so just wait i ll be right back
    Okay. I’ll just sit here quietly, then.
  • rowan mcrainbow
    {gasp} Dude, I should change my name to that.
  • hermione muscle growth story fiction
    No. Just… no.
  • what can you do with one good hand
    Lots of stuff! Ace can totally fill you in on that.
  • quotes about a good poker hand with aces
    {snerk} Dirty thoughts.
  • wet suck lick moan thrust unbutton hard
    Wow, I’m a little hot under the collar just reading that search phrase. Let me know if you find the story you’re looking for. XD
  • biceps sit ups sweat bastard sargent exercise novel excerpt
    That sounds hardcore. And kind of scary.
  • short story about my tastes in music
    Let me know what your tastes are and I’ll see what I can do. 🙂
  • when is rowan mcbride releasing a new book
    Pretty good chance there’ll be a new one out January 18th. 😀

And my favorite out of the non-contest entries:

  • beekeeper muscle stories
    I don’t know. I just keep imagining some dude getting stung by a bee and packing on muscle so fast that he bursts right out of his beekeeper suit. Which, of course, opens him up to being stung by more bees. 🙂

My contest favorite?

  • fucking good kick Thumper poetry

Submitted by AS.

Hilarious, right? A first page result, even. 😉

I chose it because it was so random that when I read it the first time I had to, well, read it a second time.

Congrats to AS and thank you to everyone who entered. You guys made for some interesting emails in December!

I hope your 2012 is also interesting, as well as fun and safe.

Take care,

— Rowan

Searchin’ the Search Phrases: 2010

Friday, December 31st, 2010

End-of-the-year tradition time! One of mine is to go through the search phrases that resulted in a hit on my site over the past year. The most common phrase was “Rowan McBride,” although this time around there were a slew of creative misspellings of my name, which has me siked because it means that people who aren’t all that familiar with me are looking for me, and in theory that’s a good thing career-wise. XD

Also, “Author Rowan” will get you to my site without any trouble. Who knew?

There were phrase and story title combinations that help me from a stats and marketing point of view, but as always my favorites are the ones that make me laugh or tilt my head in confusion. Listing them in no particular order below in the hopes that they’ll make you do the same.

  • dalek haiku
    Yeah baby!
  • watching him orgasm
    Who? Was he hot? Did he know??
  • rat pack cardboard cutouts
    I want an invite to that party.
  • bhargava s 33 theorem asserts
    You know what google says the rest of that sentence is?

    …that an integral quadratic form represents all odd numbers if it represents 1, 3, 5, 7, 11, 15 and 33. – T. D. Noe (noe(AT)sspectra.com), Mar 30 2006

    Know what it means? Me either, but since Seth and Nick are the math geeks on my site, I’m choosing to blame them even though neither of them use this particular theorem in their stories.

    Look at that. I actually searched a search phrase this year. Title of blog segment validated.

  • he rubbed his hand up my thigh
    Hey, hey now. Maybe you should slow down there…
  • he slipped his hand into my pants and stroked my stiffening cock
    I didn’t. I swear.
  • pushed myself forward as if i felt a slow big fingers caressing my hairy crack
    O.O
  • what s wrong? isn t that what you wanted
    About here is when I began to wonder if I was being *deliberately* molested via search engine.
  • how to play three blind mice
    I can actually help you with this if you’re looking to play it on piano, guitar, recorder, or xylophone. Weirdly enough I don’t know all the words, so I can’t sing it. Not that you’d want me to.
  • his ass cock whimpered or load or deep or again or another or cum his pucker -she -her
    This searcher either doesn’t know what the hell they want or knows EXACTLY what they want and is a Boolean genius.
  • i got skin grown over my shoulder
    I’m no expert, but I think that’s supposed to be there.
  • site http //www.rowanmcbride.com/superhero
    This page doesn’t exist, but it totally should.
  • you and the little mermaid can go
    That sounds like the beginning of the best cursing out ever.
  • plunder rowan mcbride
    Pass. That’s pirate pillow talk, and I’m all about the ninjas.
  • i buried my head in his chest and he wrapped his arms around me he laughed into my hair and i felt his warm breath on my face
    I don’t have a smartass comment for this one. I’m just feeling sentimental at the end of the year and liked the imagery.

And my favorite search phrase of 2010 is:

  • jascia sex tube
    I don’t know what the hell it is, but I feel like the story needs one. Bad.

That’s it. For me 2010 was about finding my muse again. It took a while, but I feel like there’ll be some good stuff in 2011.

I hope there’s good stuff in 2011 for you too. 😉

Happy New Year!

— Rowan

Searching the Search Phrases ’09

Thursday, December 31st, 2009

This is the third year I’ve listed my favorite search phrases to hit http://www.rowanmcbride.com/. There were lots of searches for “Rowan McBride.” There were a lot of single word searches like “january” and “book” and (I kid you not) “is” that had me wondering how many pages the surfer had to go through just to get to me, and whether they were happy when they got there. For the first time I saw phrases like “Rowan McBride torrent” pop up which was deeply depressing for me.

But, as with the previous years, there were some that were hella funny. Here are a few of my faves, in no particular order:

  • forbidden fruit rowan mcbride
    Made the list because it tied so well into my previous blog posts.
  • blue curacao sickeningly sweet
    Avery would definitely agree.
  • goodhand abrasive
    Nooo. Good hands are NOT abrasive. I’m not opposed, however, to good hands being a little rough now and then. 😉
  • rowan flow i’ve never seen muscle growth
    This was an interesting one because it felt like a note direct to me, and that I was supposed to decipher it. So far all I’ve got is Flow is currently being reworked for possible publication, and that if you’ve never seen muscle growth you’ve certainly come to the right place for it if you’ve hit my site. 🙂
  • polite please thank you into his ass
    That…is most likely the best way to go about it.
  • why do i like muscle growth stories
    You would not believe how often I’m asked that very question.
  • on the one hand dolphins are good
    What’s on the other hand? O.O
  • my tongue played with his
    His what? Tease. I want to know! Unless it’s the previous person’s dolphin.

And my favorite search term to hit my site in 2009:

  • toaster said i want you inside of me
    I think it has something to do with the sandwich place commercial that was out a while back, but I don’t care. I can’t figure out how it resulted in a hit on my site and it cracked me up bad.

That’s this year’s list. Wow, 2009 has been a year of incredible ups and downs, hasn’t it? I wish everyone peace, joy, and love in 2010 (I’m having a bit of a hippie moment here).

Have a Happy New Year!

— Rowan

Searching the Search Phrases ’08

Thursday, March 5th, 2009

Note: This blog was originally published on my MySpace blog, January 1, 2009.


This time last year I posted my favorite search phrases that managed to hit www.rowanmcbride.com. It was so much fun I thought I’d try and make it a tradition. So here are my faves of 2008 in no particular order:

  • Patrick Fillion
    Probably because I link to his site from my Links page. Man, if you don’t know who he is, visit his place now.

  • anime muscle growth
    This one also gave me hits last year. Again, if you know of some, let me know.

  • muscle growth werewolf
    I’m hoping to submit my werewolf novel by the stroke of midnight tonight, but no muscle growth this time around.

  • want me rowan mcbride
    Always good to know I’m loved.

  • toolbox
    Yeah, I got nothin’.

  • yaoi animated gifs
    Who doesn’t want more of those?

gravitation yuki shuichi kiss avatar yaoiboys yaoi avatar

  • work on more than one story at a time
    Hey! I do that! Which is, ah, why it takes me so long to finish anything, so I hope they weren’t looking for advice.

  • myfirstchesthair
    This was one from last year too! Why are there so many people Googling this?!

  • lousy chest hair
    I actually felt bad—no one should be cursed with such a thing.

  • locked collar around his neck
    I thought this one was hot, and starting plotting out a story featuring the imagery. Then I remembered that, riiiight, *Kian* spent the prologue of Paul’s Dream with a collar around his neck. Still, doesn’t mean I can’t write more, right?

So those are my faves. I’m hoping they get even weirder in 2009. One of many things I’m very much looking forward to.

Everyone, have a Happy New Year.


Note: Originally many of the links in this blog led to MySpace, and have since been changed to make them easier to access from this portal.

Surfing the Search Phrases

Wednesday, March 4th, 2009

Note: This blog was originally published on my MySpace blog, December 31, 2007.


My website has a feature that allows me to look up the search phrases people use to find me. Not surprisingly, the most common phrase by far is “rowan mcbride.” Over the past year, though, I’ve spotted some really interesting ones. Brand names for drugs and cars (I think that comes from the guestbook I had at the beginning of the year—it was since obliterated by a programming error when I was updating the site), other authors (I list some of my faves on my links and interests pages), as well as broad and random words like “December” or “bar” that always make me wonder how many pages the surfer read through before finding the link to my site in the search engine.

With the year coming to an end, I thought I’d share my favorites of 2007, in no particular order:

v rowan rowan rowan

· gotta love a surfer who’s that excited about my name.

v footsex stories

· Yeah…I’m not even sure what footsex is.

v want me rowan

· now, logically, I know this refers to the story I wrote titled Want Me, but my ego still saw it as a three word love letter.

v anime & muscle growth

· whoever typed this one is a person after my own heart

v gay male erotic short stories I can read now

· there’s a surfer who knows exactly what they want

v muscle yaoi links

· hey, if you wrote this and you found what you were looking for, drop me a line so I can see it too.

v rowan and the book shark

· I don’t know what a “book shark” is, but that does sound like a pretty cool title for a story, and I’m always strapped for those.

v erotic stories about card games

· and I just released an erotic story about a card game! Yes!

v hit me beat me arousal stories

· I’m thinking that’s Michael’s fault. Gaw. Avery’s gonna have to have a long talk with him soon.

v first chest hair

· again, that’s all Michael

v incredible muscle growth stories

· mmm, yeah. That’s a search phrase I’ve been meaning to try out myself.

v mcbride naked

· wow.

There it is. 2007’s been a great year to me, gifting me with new writing opportunities, new friends, and new forms of entertainment (search phrase fishing should be a bonafide game!). There have been some downs, for sure, but it’s hard to remember them as the final minutes tick away and you find yourself with friends and family.

So I wish you a fantastic First Night, and a Happy New Year. Have fun, be safe, and get kissed.


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